October 6, 2006
Letting Go
My li’l sis is going through a tough time lately. She’s just ended a relationship that she’s been on for as long as i can remember. Though she never really admitted it in my face, i know that she is in a limbo right now..a place that she can’t seem to get out of. She’s a big girl now though, and unlike before when I often fight her battles for her, I know she has to go through this one on her own.
It’s just all too familiar, you know? I’ve been through that process before, and its the most painful thing (well, to me at least) you have to endure. The classic is, you tend to do everything and anything to help you block-out and forget. You don’t wanna go home – because when you are alone and about to sleep all you do is remember – unfortunately. You don’t wanna hear a song – because again…you think the song’s all about what you’re going through. You wanna go out all the time and be with people.
BUt come to think of it…when i was going through that hell, i thought i would give everything and anything to stop the pain. I would pay for a short time amnesia, even a new man would be good as long as he keeps the hurting at bay.
Little did I know, that I would be mentally and emotionally mature after such an experience. Cliche as it is, I learned a gazillion things after that (though if i had a choice, i wouldn’t wanna go through that again).
I learned :
1. that when you are at an end of a relatioship, your self esteem dives. You are not as great, or as attractive, or as sure of yourself as you thought you were.
2. that uncertainty, and vulnerability, is a gift only pain can deliver
3. that at times like these, nobody else really can be of much help. so i learned how to pray, i mean really pray like it’s your lifeline. you get to ask God to help you. Help you go through it, and hope that you wake up one day and everything’s okay.
4. that nothing is more painful, than knowing that you never really did your best. that your relationship ended bacause you never gave your whole heart, and that you always held back.
5. Everything happens for a reason. So no matter what, always look for that goddamn reason.
So you see, letting go is not that easy. Because it is not just a verb or an action. Sometimes it is a process, to which you wouldn’t know how to begin.
And so to my li’l sis…i know you are in a struggle right now. And i know you don’t wanna be asked, so im not asking. I’m just saying im here, and i’m gonna help you pick up the pieces if you want me to. Just take it slow, for it’s true inday, time heals…and even this, shall pass. Take it from ate.:)
PS. our new motto is really cool. and the older i get, the more it applies.
Que sera sera…whatever will be…will be. The future’s not ours to see… que sera sera.
